Living in a Grafted Tree

Yesterday I was perusing Twitter when I came across a story about a new law taking effect in Illinois.  The law allows anyone who was adopted to request a non-certified copy of their original birth certificate.  Why does that matter to me?  I am adopted.  I was two months old when I came to live with my family.  So that story stopped me dead in my tracks.

I am comfortable with being adopted.  I've always know I was adopted.  I feel that I was pretty damn lucky to end up where I did.  While I grew poor, I grew up loved.  Now, my mom and I had our issues, and still do.  But never did I question the love my family felt for me.  It should be obvious by reading my blog that my dad was my best friend, my hero.  And I know a few things about why my birth mother relinquished me.  The bits and pieces that I know are that she was a teenager.  Her mother was possibly recently divorced.  In my mind, she gave me the best possible gift she could.  She set me up to have the life she couldn't give me.

If I am so comfortable with my adopted status, why would I want to know more.  There are times in my life when I get melancholy about what I don't know.  When people talk about their nationality, I typically change the subject or smile.  I have some indication that I'm French by birth, but I can't be for sure.  When I lost my first pregnancy and found out it was a genetic factor, being adopted really hit me hard.  Could I have prevented that tragedy if I had known?  Probably one of the biggest moments in knowing that I need to know from whence I came was when I had Boo.  I held him for the first time and looked into those big, brown eyes and realized I was looking into my eyes.  I had never had that experienced that.  I had never known someone of my own flesh and blood until I created him.  That's the best I can explain it.

I immediately called the county courthouse yesterday and asked what I needed to do to request the birth certificate.  They referred me to the Illinois Department of Health website where I downloaded the forms so I could fill them out.  I copied my certified birth certificate and driver's license this morning and mailed it off.  Now I wait.  There's a chance that she has already requested that my birth certificate be resealed.  She has that right.  As of yesterday 350 birth parents had already done so.  Time will tell.

A Life Well Lived

Every year Beloit College publishes the Mindset List.  This list reflects the world view of the freshmen entering college in the given year.  For example, this year's freshmen never lived in a time with the Berlin Wall.  For them, there's always been a FOX network.  The purpose of the list is to help faculty be mindful of the references they use in class.

Last night we celebrated my grandma's 94th birthday.  As I sat with her, I began to think about her mindset and how the world has changed in her lifetime.  Cell phones and computers are now common.  She lived through Prohibition, The Great Depression, World War II, Korean Conflict, Armstrong on the moon, Vietnam, both Bushes in the White House and 9/11.  As one of thirteen children, she's outlived all but three.  She's incredibly sharp, smart, and has a perseverance that I aspire to emulate.  She's lost the love of her life and her son.  She stayed at home and raised her kids until they were grown and then became a career woman.  She can still cook circles around anyone, and the only reason she's stopped sewing is because she's lost most of her vision.  Can you tell I want to be just like her if I ever grow up?

So besides thinking Mammaw is pretty amazing.  I loved spending time with this side of my family.  When I was a wee lass, we were always together.  The entire side of the family drove to Yellowstone, camping along the way.  My parents and aunts and uncles square danced (it was the 70s!) together every week.  Then there was drama . . . marriage drama on the part of my parents and other family tensions.  I think I was about seven.  I will say my dad and his brother stayed pretty tight, they were so much alike it's scary.  But I grew up not really knowing my cousins well.  It was until my cousin Darla put her foot down and said, "Enough!" that things got better.  I still don't spend enough time with them, but I truly treasure when I do.

So a few photos from last night, the ones that make me smile the most:

Uncle Lloyd, the oldest of the three and his momma.  She was so surprised when she walked in she started crying.

My cousin Darla and I are almost as similar as our Dads were.  We're ten years and a day apart.  She and her dad can bring tears to my eyes with a simple hug that passes so many unsaid words.

I will forever treasure this photo.  Sissy gave Mammaw the necklace that she has on the last time we visited.  She hasn't taken it off since.

Sissy is getting loving from Uncle Lloyd.  He and my dad looked so much alike that when their grandkids were little, they would get confused over who was whom.  Every time he sees Sissy he reminds me of just how rotten she would be if my dad had ever had the change to spoil her.

Just a shot with my brother.

I was trying to get Jeffrey's head down far enough so you could see his bald spot.  He started smacking me with the cake server though.  Yes, we frequently got in trouble for wrestling in the house.

Mammaw raised three children, two boys and a girl.  From those three came seven grandchildren . . . all of us there last night.  From the seven grandchildren came 11 great-grandchildren.  And if I'm right, I think there are  four great great grandchildren.

76/365: Merry Christmas

 

A rare moment of peace and love captured digitally this morning, my children sitting quietly, not bugging each other, and actually looking like the good friends they are.  This moment didn't last long!  They quickly began digging through their stockings and opening gifts.  This Christmas has been the best yet.  Boo and Bella are at teh perfect age where they are old enough to know what Christmas is about and young enough to still believe.  From decorating the tree, to baking cookies, to Christmas morning, it's been nothing but fun with them. 

The cute award of the day goes to Bella.  Earlier in the season, she told me she wasn't making a Christmas list because she "did it before and Santa didn't bring her what she wanted so she wasn't wasting her time."  So I went about shopping with just my hunches.  Then about a week ago she sat on Santa's lap.  She wanted an Easy Bake oven, a pink Big Foot Truck, and stuff for her dollhouse.  She also wants a table lamp for her room.  She's gone on to repeat this list to me everyday since then.  Well, pickles! Santa made her gifts already and none of those were included.  So it became Uncle Mike to the rescue.  He bought her the Easy Bake oven.  However, she won't get it until tomorrow.  So this morning she opens her gifts, getting excited about each one, until she sees it's not an Easy Bake oven.  Then at the end, she sat quietly picking through her things.  "*SIGH* I guess Santa forgot and the elves didn't know how to make an Easy Bake oven."  It would almost break my heart if it weren't so comical and I didn't know she's getting it tomorrow.

I felt compelled to include these photos so everyone can know who the cast of characters are in my family life.  Every year, as I said in a previous blog, we go to my Aunt's house for Christmas.  There is a requisite family photo in which everyone has a spot.  You can't be in the photo unless you have married into the family or produced a child of the family.  I've never missed a photo.  Even my cousin who is ill came tonight to be a part of the photo.  I think this says something about the power and influence of the Sisters. 

My calendar/cards/stamps gift was not a big hit tonight.  The third sister got it.  She's the one who got onto my cousin-in-law for his gift last year.  Oops!  Good thing it's my brother's daughters who go to that school--he'll be the suspect . . . and he's the golden boy so he won't get scolded.



Back row:  Jeffrey, Nell, Mike, Klucker.  Front row:  Bella, Ree, G-dog, Me & Boo



My little family!

The Entire Fauerbach Clan.  Too many to name.

73/365: The Christmas Gift

My sense of humor is a little off at times.  I find some odd things, especially quirky practical jokes, amusing.  My extended family has gotten to be quite large.  My mom is one of four sisters.  Each sister has kids, and those kids have kids.  A few years back, it got impossible to buy for everyone.  So for the last few years, the Sisters have bought only for the great nieces and nephews and the adults can choose to participate in some form of dirty Santa/white elephant.  Now, I'm a little bit oppositionally defiant in some respects.  I have a small objection to purchasing a $15-$20 generic gift to give it away to get a $15-$20 gift that I may or may not like.  I've tried not participating, but that doesn't really go over with the Sisters.  They have ways of making you play.  So last year my ODD came out and I wrapped up a set of wiener dog salt and pepper shakers.  The package was beautiful and they ended up going to the perfect recipient who just look bamboozled when he opened them.  What made it even more beautiful is that no one knew from whom they came.  I do have to give a shout out to another "perfect" gift from last year.  My cousin-in-law went to the dollar store and did a gift bag with 15 dollar store items, each individually wrapped.  Genius!
 
So what to do this year . . . I started out behaving.  I picked up a nice set of flashlights at Target, and even included batteries.  But I still needed something else.  Then it hit me.  Each year my nieces have played the obligation card and made me buy this ridiculous fundraising calendar from their private Catholic High School.  The freakin' thing is $25!  You're supposed to be able to win money with it but I've always been a big loser.  What a perfect Christmas gift!  It's even over the limit we're supposed to spend.  To make it better, I've gone through and written every family member's birthday and anniversary in it--in a color-coded fashion.  My mom's branch is all in orange, another sister has green, and so on.  Now I will say I'm feeling a little uneasy about this simply because the cousin-in-law got chastised last year by his mother-in-law for his joke.  With that in mind, I hit Walgreens and bought a pack of birthday cards and stamps to add to this to make it semi-real.  Now, I 've just got to wrap it well to make it desirable and hope the right type of person gets it.