Making Friends

I was talking to one of my friends earlier this week.  She was slightly worried because her beau finally told his mother that he was dating someone.  (There's a LONG back story to this that I can't divulge and isn't really pertinent at this time.) And she is slightly worried about how she and his mother will get along when they meet.  Her comment regarding this was something to the effect of this:  "I don't really have girlfriends.  I do better with guys.  The few close girlfriends I have are like me."  Now, this was not an epiphany for me.  We met each other through our boyfriends being friends, and while those relationships have long since faded, our friendship has stood the test of time.  But our conversation got me thinking about making friends, and how difficult it is to make friends as an adult.

I would say if I had to use the high school term BFF, those are two ladies in my life who fit that bill.  My friend I mentioned above, and a friend I've known since kindergarten.  I can honestly say I trust these girls with my life and secrets.  I would drop everything if either one called and said "I need you". And I know they'd do the same for me.   

Now one could argue that the reason these friendships are my closest is because I've known these ladies so long--21 and 35 years.  The closeness has had a long time to develop.  But at the same time, I don't see or talk to these ladies as much as I see and talk to others.  Yes, at one time I hung out with each of them on a daily basis, but life keeps us from having those frequent interactions now.

I have a fairly large circle of friends I've made since becoming an adult.  (Age wise, not behavior) None of those friendships have developed into anything near what I share with M and S.  I wonder why that is.  Part of me thinks that as we get older, we get jaded, less likely to trust others.  Or is it because those rolls are already filled for me?  I wonder because I don't have the daily high school or college interaction, or the time to hang on the phone daily, if those relationships are nurtured the way my earlier ones were.  I'm not really sure. 

I can say this, I agree with my friend M and her comments about doing better with guys.  The guys I've befriended over the years don't play the passive aggressive, mean girl games that I've seen from so many of my gender.  I get exhausted second guessing myself about who I offended this week simply because I have a bit of snark in me or because I won't give into popular opinion.  Oye!  The other things I can say is that I am extremely lucky to have M and S.  I will go days or weeks without talking to or seeing either of them, yet I have the safety net of knowing they're there for me.  I know when I pick up the phone, stop by or jump on a plane, we'll begin where we last left it, like we've never been apart.