Friendship Defined

I got this in a mass-forward email a few months back. It’s not the first time I’ve read this, but for some reason, this time, I didn’t delete it.

People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.
When you know which one it is, you will know what to do for that person.

When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed.
They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support,
To aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually.
They may seem like a godsend and they are.
They are there for the reason you need them to be.
Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.
Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away.
Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.
What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done.
The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.

Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn has come to share, grow or learn.
They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.
They may teach you something you have never done.
They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.
Believe it, it is real. But only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons, things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.
Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.

It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.
Thank you for being a part of my life, whether you were a reason, a season or a lifetime.

I’m not sure why I didn’t delete it when I first received it this time. I’m not a big fan of forwards, and I’d read it on other occasions. I’m thinking about it today for some reason.

I think I’m on a friendship kick. What is a friend really? If you look at my Facebook page, I have over 1,600 friends listed…and that’s down from the 2,000+ I had on there in January. Most of those folks are in my mafia and I’ve never met them, but they’re on my “friend list.” If I drill down further to the group I created “Real Friends” it causes me more thoughts. I’d venture a guess that that list has 300+ people in it. Some of them are people I see and talk to on a regular basis, some are former students or colleagues, some are family members. But how many of them are truly, truly friends?

My “old friend” Merriam-Webster tells me:
Main Entry: 1friend
Pronunciation: \ˈfrend\
Function: noun
Etymology: Middle English frend, from Old English frēond; akin to Old High German friunt friend, Old English frēon to love, frēo free
Date: before 12th century
1 a : one attached to another by affection or esteem b : acquaintance2 a : one that is not hostile b : one that is of the same nation, party, or group3 : one that favors or promotes something (as a charity)4 : a favored companion5 capitalized : a member of a Christian sect that stresses Inner Light, rejects sacraments and an ordained ministry, and opposes war —called also Quaker
— friend·less \ˈfren(d)-ləs\ adjective
— friend·less·ness noun
— be friends with : to have a friendship or friendly relationship with

Webster’s definition is much more inclusive than mine. My definition of friend is something like this:
1a: one that I communicate with on a regular basis
2a: one that for whom I would drop anything if they asked
3a: one that can read my mood before I even open my mouth

I could go on for a few more definition lines, but I think you probably get my point. A friendship is not something I take lightly, it’s something I highly value and hold in great esteem. That brings me to the point of this entry. I’m tired of part-time and pretend friends. I’m tired of putting on and playing nice, knowing that I may or may not send me to voice mail the next time I call. I tired of leaving a friendly message, not to hear from you for weeks, or sometimes months. If I hear, “let’s get together soon, I’ll call you next week about dates” one more time, I may tell you to F yourself and hang up. I don’t have the energy to keep up the act and to play these middle school games.

I understand that adult lives are busy. Hell, I work 40-60 hours per week, train another 11-15 hours, and somehow fit in being a mom and a wife—not to mention trying to be a daughter and a sister. I get it. I get that my schedule is different from others; I don’t see many other runners/cyclists out at 4AM. I get that our interests and priorities may be different now than they were when we first met. So then were we ever truly friends? Or was this a relationship of conveniences because we shared a similar experience? It’s OK with me to admit that. We can be acquaintances who shared some powerful moments together whatever they may have been. Don’t bastardize the word friend to me though. If you want to call me that, or want me to refer to you in that sense, step up. I am busy, and I don’t have time to play games that are senseless.

I’ve been culling my friend list on Facebook. I have been deleting my mafia buddies and reexamining the connections with others. If you read the paragraph above, you’ll see that I don’t have time to keep up with senseless drivel or cause request or other drama that constantly plagues some. Sorry if you don’t make the short list, but then maybe it’s time to reflect on why you sent that request or accepted mine in the first place. If you were just curious or nosy about my life, I’m doing just fine. Save the friend request and just give a call next time.