The Aftermath

I hurt. I don’t like hurting. I can’t run, ride, move or breathe without being reminded of my crash. Showers are uncomfortable. Taking off a sports bra brings tears to my eyes. I cringe when my kids are on my right side because I’m afraid they’re going to bump the wrong area. I haven’t slept well in days because moving or rolling over wake me up because I jostle a sore spot.

I’ve tried to be proactive about my injuries. I diligently iced my hip 15 on/15 off during my drive home from Springfield. I stopped every hour and stretched as well. I spent more money than I won on good first aid supplies to protect my road rash. I’ve seen the world’s most wonderful chiropractor twice for adjustments, ART, kinesiotaping and muscle stimulation, but I still hurt.

I feel like a guy. I don’t like being injured and I don’t take it well. I don’t lay on the couch and whine, but I can’t sit on the sidelines either. And then I get crabby because I hurt or can’t perform as well as I think I should. My friends and family outside of the racing community don’t get it. They just tell me to rest. They don’t understand that my last seven months have been building for the two races coming up this weekend. I’m not going to be 100% for them. The best I can hope for is 80%. Is my 80% going to be enough to take against everyone else’s best form? I will be a Cat 3 racer next year, I will race hard, but I know my chances of taking a state race will be slim. This is my last best chance for a jersey.

I did power sprints this morning. The deep breaths weren’t as painful as I expected, but getting out of the saddle made me wince every time. I know the girls against whom I am competing, and as much as they care about me, they won’t take it easy on me and they shouldn’t. How will I react to the attacks? Can I stay on? Can I give the sprint I’ll need to give at the end? I don’t know if I can even support my weight in the aero position for the tt .

I believe there are a reason and a purpose for everything. I am trying to maintain a good perspective on this. I now know how I will react if I go down; I’ll get back up and race. I know my injuries could have been worse—the girl who hit me/ran over me has a broken wrist. I know this weekend I will give my all to my races and I will learn something about myself and my skills. I always do. And I know that even if I was healthy, I would be going up against tough competition and anything could happen.